Initial information about Kung Fu

In this life, I was fond of many things. Collected brands, coins and jokes. Swim the Volga River (unsuccessfully) and transfered the Berlin Wall on the plates (Successful). Divorced hamsters until they sprayed in the wall from my room to the elevator mine. He treated classmates from gonorrhea at home (long) and cut the units on the operating table of one metropolitan clinic (Chik-Chuck). Wrote programs on assembler (sad) and synchronized from the Japanese at the Moscow International Film Festival (fun). Having embraced the agaroves, she went to the bear alone in the suburban forests (thank God, did not meet). Synthesized amphetamine from droplets from a cold (with interest) and gave anesthesia dogs Pavlov (with pity). Horse rumped on the horses in the mountains of Tien Shan (like Kul) and removed the tank from the environment in a computer game "Abrams" (like jigit). I taught Hebrew (meditar) and studied German (unsuccessfully). Refused the post of press secretary of one metropolitan stash, but agreed to publish a newspaper on the public basis "Udder". He fell under the artillery shelling at the location of the second Order of Lenin of the Armored Taman Division in the Berendevsky Forest (survived) and was conquered with a whisked Bologna in the area of ​​the subway station "Youth" (bleeding on the hands of relatives and loved ones). A eaten pigeon on collective farm currents in the village of Oljidido (with an appetite) and fed from the hands of a living monkey in the Berlin zoo (with caution). Translated Memoirs of Casanov from StaroFronzuz (with interest) and Torah comments from English (with diligence). Only one I never did in this life – I never studied oriental martial arts.

Not even because all the adventures described above did not leave me the time for karate or kendo. I just never seemed to me that I could succeed in this, but for obviously hopeless thing laziness was taken when there are so many sideways. Therefore, on the outcome of the 70s, when the whole Moscow Jewish youth was passionately passionate about the underground study of the eastern martial arts, I did not visit any carat classes from those who were given by Leon’s refusal. Directly in the basement of my house for children from good families. Later, in the late 1980s, when the captain of the police p., Convusting to me (already practicing urologist) concerns about his own compacted prostate, offered after discharge: "Doctor come to me to the Academy of Cunning Courses!" – I also refused. And even when my neighbor in Jerusalem in Jerusalem, the Polish-Jewish Buddhist Marek tried to introduce me to the martial art of Thai, I also managed to divert, although the workout took place directly on my own balcony.

Therefore, it is not difficult to guess that before the trip to China, I did not have the slightest idea of ​​Kung Fu (if the reader seems to be more correct "Kong Fu" – I agree in advance, I have no firm opinion on this matter). I, strictly speaking, did not seem that knowledge in this subject is necessary for visiting the subway. Well, there is Mandarin, well, Pinin, well, the rules of good tone (red ink, two hands, ominous digit four and t.NS.) – But kung Fu seemed to me finally useless skill when communicating with Chinese comrades. Man I am peaceful, and even my armored train at the spare way can not find. Moreover, the legendary Bruce Lee himself, who gave it the famous martial art far beyond the forefestation, could not wean his compatriots speak "MEYOU" Instead of greeting. So in the effectiveness of Kung Fu under the Chinese sky, I did not believe too – because it was not bothering to explore this subject before traveling or at least in place.

And in vain: it turns out, on the painful path of turning Maxil in a full-fledged Chinese – on that road to a thousand whether we tried to go through in the two previous reports – the ownership of Kung Fu is given almost a key role. Without kung-fu knowledge you can never merge with the Chinese crowd on the streets of Beijing – Even if you get taural on Mandarin, like a factory imperial nightingale, forget the number "four", If you put on the Blue Franch for 18 yuan from the local military and swelling on the most stunned rural bike model "Yong Ju" ("Forever"). Without kung fu you not only can not become part of the surrounding crowd, but even survive in it you can hardly succeed.

Here the reader is indignant and say to the reader: And who are you, actually such, Guvilo Nostek, to reason here about the need for Kung Fu, if you yourself are in this eastern science – neither ear or dig? And I, of course, urge your own applub, but I will find what to say in my excuse. To do this, back to the snow-covered Moscow sample in 1987 (may the reader forgive me this lyrical digression, I swear that it is the last).

In case of my frequenter of Koktebel, I drove friendship with l. Arkadyevich L. This friendship was interrupted not to tragically, but quite cool – and today, driving through Ibn-Guirol past the new apartment l. Arkadyevich, I do not even think to go: they will put out without ceremonies. And before, we were sick with Arkadyevich on the edge of a sheer Crimean cliff or for a cup of tea in a Moscow apartment – and talked for life.

L. Arkadyevich L. It was striving to be a superman and followed the advances in this goal to the Council of the Unforgettable Chairman of the Tent: If you want to be a superman – be it. He was: he owned Hebrew and Japanese, had a discharge on all sports, in Bolshaya tennis he would beat Bourge Bekcker (only extreme employment was prevented from both, and an iron curtain that does not transmit rubber balls). And of course l. Arkadyevich was a master Kung Fu. What color was he dan – today I’m not remembering, yes it does not matter. In any case, the friend of my harsh days often showed me his skills in this mossy art (since showing tennis techniques neither on the edge of the rock, nor in ours with Arkadyevich, there was no possibility). Demonstration of techniques was accompanied by detailed explanations, and some of them I, oddly enough, I remember to this day. Although in those days when these explanations sounded in my apartment, most of all I took care of the desire to dodge the steel heel l. Arkadyevich, sent (in the ranks) in the direction of my left ear or right egg.

– The main thing in Kung Fu is the continuity of movements, – said it happened, l. Arkadyevich L., making the shutter from the bookcase. – Each new movement of the shock surface should be a continuation of the previous one, smoothly flow from it and go into the following. It is more difficult to learn this smoothness, this relationship of all body movements, this transformation of the entire bone-muscular apparatus into a single mechanism that is entirely subordinated to the advanced pattern of motion.

With this phrase, the foot of my mentor, hung in one and a half angstroms from my nose, led back and smoothly descended onto a parquet to my endless relief. And the tea party continued.

Maybe l. Arkadyevich L. I spoke in completely in other words, but I will reproduce his explanation as I remembered them – it snapped in the far cache of my memory, in order five years, suddenly and completely clearly remember back, stepped on the Chinese land.

When they talk about the Chinese and Kung Fu – the Shaolin Monastery arrives in memory, from where, according to legend, it takes to start this world-recognized martial art. The monastery, lost in the mountains of Henan province, 80 kilometers from the Genghou administrative center, is due to its reputation with genuine tourist Mecca: all the approaches to it are littered with empty cigarette packs, packages from under the film, discarded cellophane packages with the remnants of the hiking lunch, wrappers From hamburgers and kentuki fried chickens, rigid cars from under the jam beer, broken bottle glass and other attributes of modern civilized pilgrimage.

Tourists arriving in Shaolin thousands on the flight buses and minibuses from the provinces of hotels and railway stations, wish to make sure that it is here – in these half-breeded walls, in these shabby and smashed squat buildings – Buddhist monks from the fifth century will improve the art that gave the world Bruce Lee and David Kerradain. Legend says that the monks of Shaolin enjoyed their martial art to combat ingenic invaders. If the reader remembers the brief historical essay of China from my before last report, he can guess that they were not allowed to miss the monks, because in all the epochs of their stormy history China conquered with a periodicity of 50 to 300 years.

History is not known for any case when the monks of Shaolin – or any other Chinese – successfully reflected a foreign invasion. Therefore, it is not surprising that the monastery Shaolin burned with the same periodicity, with what kind of China conquered – and even more. The last two devastating raids on the monastery (not counting the current tourist orgies) were held after China’s proclamation by the Republic. In 1928, Shaolin plundered and burned some local landeader, being in the bad location of the Spirit. Aven another 40 years in the monastery guided Hungaibins – also not to testify their respect to the guardians of century traditions Kung Fu.

Therefore, recommending foreigners in China to study old martial arts, I do not suggest it to take the glorious traditions of the legendary monastery in Henan Province. Monks Shaolin Art Kung Fu seems to not help. But ordinary Chinese successfully enjoy them in everyday life, and only this can explain the existence of those two main Chinese habits, without which life is unthinkable in the subwayless empire.

The first habit is bike riding. This means of movement constantly uses 225 million Chinese (in any case, this is the number of bicycle registered in the PRC). It would seem – what could be in this complex? Sat down – went. But the problem is that Chinese cyclists move on their two-wheeled monsters on the roadway by small groups of 20-40 thousand people, and by them on the same roadway in both directions are the same in numbers of passenger cars, buses and trucks. If more vehicles are subordinated to traffic lights, street regulators and some kind of elementary rules of the road, then in relation to cyclists, all these tricks do not act. The cyclists are granted the largest of all civil liberties available to the Chinese: they are allowed to go to the red light on the counter strip, and even backwards – there would be a desire. It is easy to understand that with the complete absence of any other freedoms, Chinese cyclists use their own non-perplexity of road rules to the entire coil. And if so far the Chinese People’s Republic of China has not turned into one large cemetery of 225 million graves, covered by cycling steering wheels – then this is solely due to the fact that every Chinese cyclist with Mother’s milk Sosted reflexes based on Kung Fu.

To understand this – or rather, to feel – it is enough to blame for some ordinary participant of the Bondarchukovsky of the immense extremity, which is referred to in China by street movement. Here he is an ordinary member, in the top three, with a tie and with a diplomat – approached the parking lot of bikes (they can be parked in Beijing only in specially designated places), looked around Bruce Lee 15.000 bicycle saddles and unmistakably recognized his visible species "Fay G" ("Flying dove") on the checkered cloth tied to the back of the saddle. Not that ordinary member one realized to tie such a cloth on his bike – everyone who wishes to find a two-wheeled friend after parking, must take care of the distinctive piece of matter on the saddle support. The main thing here is to choose any special color, but not particularly bright, so as not to smoke the rag along with the bike.

So, the bike is found, the ring lock on the rear wheel is open and adjacent to the frame, and the diplomat is rearned with a clothesline to the trunk (upholstered briefcase corners, like knife blades on the axes of the Parthian chariot, help break through the crowd of passersby when driving around the sidewalk). An ordinary participant sits in the saddle and, having rummaged on the pedals, pops up through the flow of pedestrians on the roadway, in time by twenty thousand oncoming cyclists. The first of them impassively pops up on the curb to dodge the diplomat on the front wheel – and immediately scores from the border back to the roadway to continue the movement in front of the masses, but the ordinary participant has already embarked in the head of the column, having laid a slight tall in seventy degrees plus -minus. Meter one and a half, or even two columns overcomes without adventure, but here is an intersection. The flow of cars is moving in a row participant, and from the oncoming band, there are several thousand cyclists to meet him, who for some reason it is necessary to right. Jerk, throw, turn around the axis – and an ordinary participant slipping between the door of the bus and a carriage motorcycle, the recharge on the wind to release a launched foreign tourist from under the wheels of his harsh taxi. The counter stream of bicycles is streamlined by the column of machines on both sides. The Adjustment on the pedestal toasting in thought of the rod, turning his back to the traffic light. An ordinary participant’s maneuver can easily repeat tens of thousands of cyclists, following him in the head – and now, the intersection passed. Loading tourist breaks, breathing hard, in the lobby of Grandotel "Beijing", And the taxi driver pursuing him smoothly slows down at the front and seductive smile manites a sacrifice with his finger, leaning out of the window of his car.

Crossroads behind, three more meters passes in a calm group race for the leader – but under the wheels, an ordinary participant jumps on a pedestrian crossing of a heavy old old man with a stick, followed by the fairness of KAMAZ with a trailer. The driver of KamAZ did not have time to beat the old man on his strip – and continues the started on the counter, heavily passing through the dividing flower bed. An ordinary participant lies on the pedal, adopting several left to squeeze between an old man and sidewalk (exclamation "s-s-s!" Behind the back means that the old man drove the pelvis in time, taking place from the acute diplomat). Now it is necessary to deal with KAMAZ, the wheel of which is silent with heat straight in the face leader. An ordinary participant puts a bike in the traverse, falls on the asphalt and freezes under the wheels of the truck, to nourish behind the trailer – already in full. Going along the column strikes the brakes, and the truck returns to the ongoing movement on its own – as provided by the rules -. The adjustrore is approvingly nods, having fluttered with a rod when the trailer swears before his eyes.

Watching such street scenes, I clearly realized that without serious ownership of Kung Fu rules, I can not withstand a hundred meters at this distance – even if any particularly greedy to money. Local tenant will agree to give me a bike rental.

Another ritual of the Chinese, requiring the master of ownership of Kung Fu – this is, oddly enough, the ancient habit of spitting. This wonderful custom is common in the imminent so much that in the earthly existence of each Chinese it is safe to allocate two main phases: life in front of the spit (moral preparation, autotraining, meditation, saliva collection) and a spurry actually (culmination, catharsis). When looking at any Chinese, you can unmistakably determine which of the two phases of its existence is currently located.

Initial information about Kung Fu

The Chinese Communist Government will seriously dream of learning citizens from this habit. Pleumania is punished with fines, his dissertations are written about the dangers of him. Each traveler arriving at the Shanghai International Airport is encouraged by a huge enamel shield (1 x 3 meters) with a memorandum in English and Chinese, which is also entitled: "Harm of Plemia" (arral letters). The reproduction is completely and literally, without sticks and editorial directions:

"Pleumania – an unsanitary habit and an uncivilized act. This behavior expresses disrespect for the public.

Patriotic campaign conducted in China by the masses of Sanitation and hygiene skills gave significant results in recent years. Environmental protection has also improved. But the habit of spitting, rooted in the people for the millennium, has not undergone significant changes. Footprints of sputum are visible on separate streets. Their appearance causes people a desire to drop. Pleuming not only pollutes the environment, but also contributes to the spread of respiratory diseases. In a word, sputtens affects the reputation of our country around the world. Therefore, we are enthusiastically responding to a program of five priorities, four beauty principles. Do not develop a habit of spitting. Hard in a flutter box or in special napkins. We will devote ourselves – our hearts and souls – the problem of turning the Shanghai in a clean and beautiful city".

This document requires several explanations. Firstly, any reader who gathered to doubt his authenticity, Vain to send a shekel to the editor, I will prepress him a copy of this shield and send a detractive for independent home study. Secondly, what is five priorities and the four principles of beauty – I unfortunately do not know. In consolation I can throw four principles that are guided by the Chinese government: loyalty to the covenants of Marx-Engels-Mao, the dictatorship of the proletariat, the socialist path of development and the leading role of the Communist Party. Most likely, the four principles of beauty referred to in the document are a reflection of the same four fundamental rules, but attached to beauty. However, back to the sputum.

All the attempts of the Communists to shut down the fellow citizens of the fountain (so successful when the case concerned the freedom of speech) turned out to be completely unsuccessful in the case of spying. It is in today’s China in today’s five times more than cycling. One of the important factors contributing to the spread of this habit is, an emerging, its publicly accessible and democratic nature: if there is no money for a bicycle, it can make money, then do not care for everyone.

With what kung fu? – The reader will ask. – Is it really to spit, you also need to master the secrets of this oriental martial arts?!

And you think about the reader, and you will not be on my own. Imagine that the People’s Republic of China is inhabited by 1 billion 250 million Chinese, and all of them at the same time as one person spit. Those who do not spit at the moment – are preparing to do at the next second. If the case happened away from China (for example, if he wanted to spit all the inhabitants of both Americas once) – both continents, together with all their people, would be in the blink of an eye sneak from the legs to the head. Spectacle, straight to say, neappety. In humans, as properly noticed the champions of Chinese hygiene, such a spectacle can only cause the desire to drop – and such a desire, from which one step before exercising. And already in the next moment the continents would also be in love. As directed by the director f right.F. Coppola in the film of the same name, "Apocalypse – now". It is better not to strain the imagination so that like to imagine – suddenly, God forbid.

And in China nothing like this happens. Huge crowds of people, they all spit, but do not fall into anyone. Taxi drivers spit out of windows of their cars, passengers spit in the metro wagons and buses, pedestrians spit on the pavement, and cyclists – on the roadway. At the same time no one will go, nothing is bother. How is it really truly a great miracle of light?

The answer we already found: Pleuming in Chinese is the reception of Kung Fu a special difficulty, in which the entire koster-muscular spindler apparatus turns into a single mechanism that is entirely subordinated to the pre-planned pattern of the flutter. Without having eating this skill, you may be learn to spit loudly and with pleasure, like a salary Chinese, but you will constantly fall into counter people and subjects, and the surrounding will show your finger on you and shout: "Gweilo! Gweilo! IS, the Chinese attacked!"

So my advice to you: you want to become a Chinese – learn kung fu. And do not want – and thank God.

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