Rio without caught. Coffee and white pants

The tall blonde with good shapes with a clear movement dashed out of a blouse breast and pressed my face to her. In the head clouded. I did not even have time to jump from the hood of the car, which was perplexed for a leisurely conversation with local beauties about the prices of love and the circumstances of this action.

The second hand, the girl launched down, to the most tender and touching, and vigorously began to wake love dust. From Brazilian temperament, desire to find out something or resist.

– Disappear – thought thought.

Carioca (so calls by the inhabitants of Rio de Janeiro) insisted to make love here and immediately, even on the hood, even on the sand of the beach, – here he is, through the road, at least in the ocean, at the worst – go to the hotel. The meager stock of English words and expressions of dried, I could no longer.

Comrades saved from imminent death, beat off. Without loss it did not cost. While I sneak in the lush bust, Sergey also underwent. But it was easier for him: he was not sitting on the hood and could retreat on a step-other. After half an hour he discovered that a paper was evaporated from the pocket ten dollars.

. My state more accurately passed the proverb: "Barely not given, still tremble".

– And after all, I did not think anything, just a familiarity: on "Night butterflies" look, find out the conditions for their work, – I justified, but the comrades were laughing.

So began the first night in Rio, the crazy city on the shores of the Atlantic Ocean.

Tourist – not a cattle

Polite, but the directive guide drives a tourist on the excursion just like a shepherd cattle in the pasture. Step Left, Step Right – Bounce Beach.

"We will be late, we will not have time, we have a program".

If you get up early, you can snatch a little personal time. With the hotel we were lucky: "Rio International" (four full-fledged stars) stands right on Copacaban. She is – Avenid Atlantic, one side of which – residential buildings, banks, hotels, entertainment, other – world famous beach. Between – three-row highway. To ocean – one and a half minutes with a pleasure step.

Slowly and impose to go on such a beach for the first time only a fat German. Like normal people, we got a gallop. Things – on sand and breasts – in the Atlantic. Sand – yellow and gentle, as in an hourglass. Sochi, Gagra or Yalta with cobblestone shores will not please.

In our company turned out to be a clever, who taught Portuguese at the Institute. He managed to configure that the hotel you can swim in the pool on the 20th floor.

The last floor has no roof. In the center – the pool eight to eight meters. Nearby – Sunbeds of a red-brown tree (without a call), tables under umbrellas. Right there is a bar with drinks. And incredible species. Only in the pool I began to realize that I got to another continent. Although not, I lie. There was no thoughts, I wanted to wash from the inexpressible delight.

Our pale bodies fell on hot sun beds. Immediately Barmetn (garde word) brought a towel and beverage card. Under umbrellas Dulya Multicolored cocktail foreigners. As a real Indian, I explained gestures that we want the same. I understood me. Cocktail was delicious indescribable.

Before Oduri Favoring breakfast (buffet, foreigners we are familiar "Open buffet"), the group plunged into the BTR. No, no, in the city you are not fighting. So abbreviated was called Brazilian travel agency and militant letters were blocked on the side of the bus with air conditioning, toilet and TV. TV did not work, but he was not needed.

Fly thousands of kilometers and watch a box – a crime. Do I need to get acquainted with the beauty of Mulatka, invite her to the room to night to play with her checkers? Excursion – usually boring and dreary. But there is no rules without exception, although the guides to refer to the Solovki must certainly.

Instrupping with the ocean

In Rio Tourists, the first-inquorative fiber on the mountain of Cukovado, on which the giant sizes are installed – the city symbol. Mountain seven hundred and more meters, Jesus – almost forty yes ten more – pedestal. If naked numbers are not impressive, then imagine 25 nine-storey on another or the Ostankino Tower.

From the foot to the top chasing a mini-train on electric traction. From a 20-minute trip to the tropical forest Tourists fool from delight.

– And won coconuts!

From the trunk of a giant tree, a small process was crushed, it hangs a large size of the pumpkin, but all in spikes. Tourists strive to reach out and cut something.

– This is a fruit fruit, "explains the girl guide.

– And in Russian, as it is called, and how it eats it? He is delicious or so-so?

Children’s question puts a girl in a dead end and she for some reason offended.

Last hundred meters we go on foot. Hung by photographs and video cameras, to the legs of the Savior, the tourists get a wet throat. But these are not tears of death, but a sticky sweat.

Climbing here not only because of fabulous landscapes. Fifteen millionth city is scattered along the ocean, among the bays and lagoon and at the same time among the rocks, huge and sharp as a dragon teeth. Rocks go beyond the horizon and lose in the smoke.

The whole Rio below – under the Seni of the Divine Dlann – in our opinion, Christ for the sinus. Maybe therefore the townspeople live so easily and fun?

The best form of expression of aesthetic delight found the Japanese. The masterpiece is considered three-hundred-hockes, in each row of which only one word and one interomotion "Fuji, O!". Before the beauty of Fujiyami dull any words. It is fully true for Rio.

Tourists did not search for people, they gave a photocillion.

– Now it’s all together on this background, now – on the other hand.

– Take us off, please, with a friend. Come on, I am one.

– Invented frame! I will rise like Christ, and you won me from there! thanks!

From people resembled monkeys in front of the mirror, but it is so fortunate. The guide is more actively photographed. In Moscow, in front of each other we boasted pictures. Full nonsense came out. Nor the city nor the rocks are visible. Comrade crushed hands against the background of the thumb of the Divine Feet. Some familiar muzzle, but with an expression, which in Moscow does not happen.

Next point – rock-tooth sugar head. Ocean apparently. In Portuguese, the name sounds more effectively – Pau de AsCar. The mountain is issued far away in the Bay of Guanabar, on the shores of which lies the city. From afar of the head seems bald, the walls of it are so cool that nothing grows on them.

When the cable car is selected to the head, covers horror. Under you – the abyss. Suspended trailer as a molecule in space. God forbid, someone will start to rock or turn his legs. It would be necessary to give a hooligan in the ear, but the Potashka shakes the cradle is stronger.

Walls of the trailer are covered with autographs, not a single live centimeter. I thought it was purely our tradition. Carefully examined the inscriptions in search of native names. No one. Some Ivan showed out, but our person does not yet do the pilot.

Bald Makushka turned out to be a curly, brown park of impressive sizes. It’s easy to get lost in it. Dozens of types of tropical trees, palm trees, bamboo groves, such frequent, not in a grove, strange trees whose spines are growing straight from the barrel. Everywhere begging wild monkeys.

People at the bottom indistinguishable, cars from above can see only the taiga hunter. If you look right away for the fence down, then in the abdomen there is a shy chill.

At the top – two restaurants. Transportation prices. But Kra-C! On the playground just below restaurants – a small helicopter. Six-seven-seven flight around the head and above the city costs 35 reals from the nose (a little less than $ 35).

– Flame? – I attached to my.

I watched sympathetically like a quiet.

– Serega, you love whiskey! Your bottle fell more expensive than an exclusive flight over Rio! – I did not get down, but I never found travelers.

On the ground descended without complications. Again a cold bus with dark windows that urged live colors.

– Girl, and when you can see the living Brazilians, feel the flavors, melodies and rhythms of the city? Life passes by!

Charming guide called us "My Russians" (three years ago she came with the chemist with a chemist from Ukraine), I sincerely did not understand why beat the legs on the heat, what flavors and rhythms are needed if you are brought to the bus with a toilet. Excursions are paid, and the content of the guidebooks it sets out folding.

"Beard-beard" – Formula of folk diplomacy

Comrade with Portuguese Tolmachil is tolerable. We immediately asked two bronze girls to take pictures with us.

The oldest of us, Alexander, invented a great frame. The girls went on a knee in the ocean, back to the lens. Alexander sat down, and his adolescent bearded face was between two charming dark-skinned ass. The girls appreciated the witness of the aliens, the beginning of Brazilian-Russian friendship was laid.

For the story of Rio Beach, our hussli, balalaiki and guitars are not suitable, you need to arm yourself by Bongami, Maracas, there, tama and a small guitar Kavakyno. There is no more than a distinctive, pulsating life anywhere else.

The beaches here are a lot, their total length of 35 kilometers. Some ridden and therefore closed. The most famous – Ipanema, Leblon and Copacabana. Day on the beach sunbatches, cut into beach football, volleyball, local fun with a waist, where instead of the racket – your own palm. Every 100-150 meters of discharge horizontal bars and bars, and they are not empty.

Constantly sneeze merchants. Offer everything except furniture and real estate. Cream "aqua" (water) look like screaming monkeys and initially frighten. Sleeping on the sand, sit, looking into the ocean, conclude transactions, they are shooting with pen, hugging, kissing, sometimes even bathe. Local less often, more often foreigners.

In the water of people a little. Boys on plastic boards saddown the mighty ocean wave and roll on it to the shore. Desperate guys. The board of the cable is tied to the leg, in case the wave drops off the board. Then the guy stays to pray. Strong taming flow takes into an open ocean, somewhere in Africa. Once I myself carelessly floated too far. I thought: a spin on my back, I will translate the spirit and easily rake to the shore. Minutes three tried her legs, looked – the beach retreated even further.

On the shores placed the towers, rescuers on them. But from there the disappearance of my light head of the 56th size nobody will notice. And if notice, – do not have time. Yelling it is useless, the roar of the surf could only overpow Richard Lion’s Heart, from whose roar horses quenched.

Thoughts swept into a moment, I shuddered with all the spinal cord. Such fear can be called animals. On the shore buried face in the sand and lay ten minutes. Now I can confirm: "Salvation of drowning – the work of the immerses themselves" – The slogan is faithful as Marx’s doctrine.

I would like to live and die on the beach

On the beach are all equal: and succeeding clerk, and a homeless bammer. This is the third place in the world after the toilet and the bath, where the slogan of the Great French Revolution is embodied "Freedom equality Brotherhood".

Staying on the beach – a state of carefree happiness when it seems that everything is fine, and then, in spite of everything, it will be even better. And the local resident, and the tourist is pleasant to show yourself, to lay on people, especially on the beach primaudon. Everything is broken here. Swimwear and smelting are very small, simple decorative. A variety of colors and stamps emergency.

In women, the lower half of the body, especially its rear, is the subject of pride, for men – admiration and adorations. Therefore, women’s melting are especially popular, the name of which sounds like "Tooth cleaning thread". Melting are almost lost in the depths of halves.

City sidewalks lined with black and white mosaic in the form of marine waves. Colors symbolize peaceful coexistence of black and white races. This is a pure truth, despite the very motley national composition. Here are ebony, indians, white, mulatts, Creoles, Sambo and God knows who. The atmosphere is surprisingly international and friendly.

Throughout the aroma of tropical erotic. It manifests itself in gait, both in women and in men, in their movements, dance plastic is unpatched. Erotic Master of Speech and Communication, Clothing Style. Here are some bananas of two hundred varieties. If a woman in T-shirt, then there is probably no leaf. For any appeal, you will be answered by such a smile that it is possible to interpret it with unusual.

Warm nights, beaches, fruit abundance, music tune on a frivolous way even Puritanin. In one of the evenings, we offered two serious women from our group to swim in the ocean. With the condition: we will swim naked (do not wet smelting), and heating with alcohol. I would not believe myself, but the ladies Nagishk with delight drank vodka from the neck.

But it will be later, but now roasted sun, beach life was in full swing. We imitate the locals. What people are drinking? On the beach are tiny pavilions with all sorts of drinks and simple food. Next – tables. Fascinating look young coconuts bunch. We have in such a thick sausage connect bulbs.

Sold two strikes terrible hatchet, machete and cut down the crown, in the hole I put a tube. The juice remains cool even in the heat, drink it easy and pleasant. You can ask to cut the nut and a sliver of a peel scrape the inside of the white, which did not have time to become a full nut.

Each bench – International phone.

– Senor, I can call Moscow?

But calls can only be a token, but it is not the seller. And it would be so cool to snap into the phone:

– Hello, darling, it’s me! I am calling from Rio de Janeiro. Here the phone directly on the beach. Heat – 32. Home all right?

Darling would gasped. Moscow – gloomy morning (time difference – 5 hours), dank, and the husband-bastard – at the Copacabana in shorts drinking coconut milk. If given political asylum on the beach, I would have asked.

"horses" It is not under force

Slipknot tour schedule was delayed. Lynx numbers, shower, dressing – and again in the bus, on the show "Rock". The definition takes place on the stage, it is impossible to pick up. Fireworks, spray the most expensive champagne. Such juicy, colorful costumes, none of our company had never seen before, but unlike me, have driven many of the world.

Negro, mulatto, white-skinned dancers – as the selection. As if not one of the many variety of Rio and finals "Miss World". Peasants, too, we must pay tribute – handsome! And if not handsome, the virtuoso dancers.

Two and a half hours flying bullet. That danced, they sang, – I do not remember exactly. But admiration for less than six months later.

I, and others, expect to hear your favorite Latin American motifs. None of the familiar tunes! No less incendiary, and beautiful, but everything else. Later I was told that Brazil and the rest of Latin America would exist as a separate. Brazil speaks Portuguese, the rest of the continent – in Spanish. Music, songs, morals, style and lifestyle are also distinguished. At least for this, it was worth flying over the ocean.

Try to tell friends about the beauty of the waterfall, the type of which you shook. Or sunset on distant islands. Better not to try. And comparisons are all useless. What there "Moulin rouge" or "Maksim" with "crazy horses"! Anemic, refined europe. They boels natural emotions and passions.

Searches for coffee, left and white pants

Who does not know that Rio is the crystal dream of the Osta Bender, that pitiful and insignificant person. In the pocket of the jacket, Ostap kept the escaped from the Small Soviet Encyclopedia sheet with a description of the city: "According to the wealth of shops and the magnificence of the Rio buildings is not inferior to the first cities of the world".

Where are the white pants in which the Ostap claimed, all population of the city goes? Week I was looking for mulatto or at least mestizals in white pants. Alas! And during the day, and at night, the inhabitants of the glorious city in such pants did not come across. I tortured on this issue and consular comrades, and employees of Aeroflot, and our guide, and Russian emigrants, who were put on the root here. The right was classic, saying that the Russian man is lazy and dislike.

Saved the situation of the host inviting us travel agencies, Lebanese, by the way. All Rio Magliest in White Pants On New Year’s Eve. Cheruvim’s clothing wear in order to leave the sins to leave in the past, and start a new life from pure sheet, or rather, with white pants.

Rare spectacle. Only about three million people are going to Copakaban (the length of the beach is 5 kilometers), another million and a half look at a fun celebration from the windows of houses and hotels. Half an hour before midnight begins fireworks, after the new year’s onset, for decency, the priests say something, and then – samba, samba and samba again!

Where samba, there is love. In the morning the beach and the closest streets as snow covered with condoms that Brazilians call "Shubashonoki".

The famous carnival is the same, just a lot of cooler. Officially, it lasts four days, unofficially – 10, individual foci do not fade. Two weeks Rio is not sleeping, Rio stands on the ears. "Carnival, O!". But who did not see the carnival, he has no right to write more than five lines about him. So silent.

With pants figured out. But someone remembered that the first Soviet millionaire is to continue to restructure. Sterligov said as if screamed in Rio square meter of the Earth and put the bust of the great combinator. Attempts to find a monument were unsuccessful. Signed Programmer.

On the third or fourth day began to discuss what to take home as gifts. Coffee came to my mind. For breakfast, the waiter was suggested, asked to draw up a rating of varieties: the most, just the best and so on.

Coffee decided to look for three. Extended search tactics. We enter the store – and chain around the rows. Coffee is everywhere, but ground, and needed in grains. Grimaces of bourgeois world. As if looking for not a Brazilian product in Brazil, and the marsh berry. In the fifteenth store lucky. Alexandra in his hands I saw a metal basket, half loaded with grain coffee in a shallow packaging.

– Like that! – winked a good doctor, father of the family. – It’s good that small packages – all nurses are enough!

According to the eye of the bag as it should, but the word "coffee" not written. On the sides of black grains for some reason white specks. Yes, and on bags costs "beans" – Beans, meaning.

– Sasha, you grabbed five kilos of black beans. Do not disgrace, quietly put back.

"Grain" never found, I had to do with ground. All four varieties that I brought home turned out to be scary bitter and black, how to manage. Did not expect such from Brazilians.

Best gift – Cookish

For a normal tourist, a successful purchase problem comes down to searching for gifts and presents for home. The present may be different. The best, of course, the one for which we did not have to pay. In a good hotel, a lot of sweet dundesta, which, however, is not ashamed to give: handles, envelopes, ashtrays, packages, bottles with shampoos, balms, rinsers, and still sneakers, hangers, towels.

This item of the program we fulfilled in Stakhanovsky, by 200 percent. Cabinets, shelves in the bathroom at the time of departure to their homeland were nirious empty, everything is carefully laid in the bag. Career with packages. What is written on them, incomprehensible. You can go to visit, put a gift in a beautiful package, and on it inscription – "Dirty laundry. In the laundry".

Free whale will not be. Forward to artisans. The choice is wide. Needlessly need a tessel machete. Sheath – in the form of a terrible mask, floundered from raw skin and decorated with agate. Price – within 30 dollars. There are still bows with arrows, wind guns from hollow bamboo.

Incredible Coloring Towels with palm trees, boats, parrots, tucanis. Cracked T-shirts of famous Brazilian clubs. Butterflies in the framework of glass, sizes from feathered. Mavrody would die of envy. Stone and wooden figures of any calibers. The most piquant – Figa, our Cukish, a combination of three fingers. By local beliefs, this is the best remedy for the evil eye and any damage.

Friends can not be brought by the main local drink! Found Kashasha, which all Heroes of George Amada drink with pleasure. First need to try yourself. Horror! Kashasa can fill tanks and jet planes.

With the legs of the balls one smell. But the bottle is luxurious, in the cane braid, on the label even some medals. Tourists scare local hooligans.

– Never show large bills, especially dollars!

Decided with Sergey to check the criminogenic atmosphere. Put in "Green Filnica" In pockets and went out on the night. Life at night continues not only near the beaches: there are a Harchevni for the poor, the streets are cleaned, something brought, unload.

To whom we just did not picked up with a request to change the bucks, smeared the bills to all potential bandyuki seen. For whatever streets did not go. The area, however, was not the poorest. But neither oblique looks or the slightest attempt "come out". There were only good people. Another myth collapsed. It was possible to climb into the port or region of shag and get it in the face, so it is in any port easily.

Black women on the rope

Flew week. Male comrades’ physiognomy began to annoy.

– On Copacabana, make maidens? – The question did not even pronounce, he hung in the air.

Beauty walking in the nights are divided into two categories: some can go to the hotel, others – no. Matter in some kind of document with a photo. Most of such Ausevice has no. After 20 minutes, we found a fabulous girlfriends. Agreed on fifteen dollars per night. To the hotels of Shagali.

The Soviet question arose: how to penetrate the room?

– Maybe we will raise on the rope?

– What are you, the 12th floor!

Everything turned out to be neromantically and just. The girls approached the receptionist, showed documents. The receptionist recorded, asked the rooms of our apartments and wished duty "Boe night!".

At the notice of expression, his face was clear that this is the most ordinary situation. Black woman was good. Hair like crawled wire, bust, waist, legs. Above this creation, nature worked inspired. Together fell on the broad bed, instantly found common broken English. I did not come up with anything better how to ask about the family, living conditions, main work.

The family turned out to be more familiar, it is difficult to live, but God keeps. By profession girl teacher, teacher.

– Oh, Pestalozzi, Jan Amos Komensky, Dr. Spock, Makarenko!

I showed all my knowledge. The girl did not learn and eyebrows. Pouching about this, he remembered that it is necessary to be a gentleman.

– Maybe you want to eat?

Judging by the wolf appetite, the girl did not eat the day three. I gave her a wide gesture to looting a minibar. She served chips, cookies, a couple of chocolates. Calmly look at this rampant I could not. Drank "Smirnova" myself, then offered a lady. She did not refuse.

Night was gentle, black woman – delightful. As she left, I did not notice. I slept and breakfast, but I looked at the comrades. When we went out of the hotel, the porter asked to pay a bill for a minibar of $ 40. What a chepukha!

– Fool, do not know how to use the minibar? – Comrades were mothers tourists. – In the drinking bottle foul water, if there was vodka or gin, twist the lid and – hello!

Islands in the ocean

Sight all week in Rio – big stupidity. For the sake of exotic, it is worth flying to Amazon Selva (jungle), or on Waterfalls Iguazu ("Throat Devil"). But this is at least a thousand dollars. There are places of cheaper and no worse – nearby tropical islands.

Go away from civilization. Little schooner tharachtitis to the island of minutes forty. Captain is calm and is serious, as if leads an atomicode. Incendiary Brazilian songs and dances the public warms the black quartet. Germans of old years old begin to throat and put the lambad. It turns out she did not die. About ours and nothing to say. We kissed!

We go to the bay of the mountainous island, on top of the donom of overgrown with violent vegetation. White sand beach is so hot that the barefoot stand is impossible. On the shore with a dozen bungalow or canopies covered with palm branches. Meet Indians and mulatto with parrots in size with turkey. After an abundant table, I don’t want anything, only with equal gaps crawled out of the ocean on a hot beach to ice beer and – back.

. When on the work of Parsivo, there is no longguard and the clock fails to fall asleep, I remember Rio. Bright sun, mountains, palm trees, swimming pool on the 20th floor. I am glad that I managed to run to the ocean and throw several coins into it. I was scolded with all the bus, we were late at the airport.